My terrible/amazing joke

Show me a man who raises mute ducks for a living and I'll show you a man whose priorities are all out of quack.

Dr. Pepper

I went to Quiznos today. Got some food to bring back to the apartment. When I got back it was such a beautiful day that I figured I'd eat out on the balcony. Pretty good idea, right? Wrong. I set my Dr. Pepper on the railing to sit down (I took a couple sips on the way back and was REALLY looking forward to drinking the rest of it) but when I sat I bumped the railing with my feet and the Dr. Pepper fell to the ground splattering everywhere. *sigh* I didn't know what to do with myself. It hit me a lot harder than you'd think. I sat there for a good minute just staring at the ground imagining a perfect world where that Dr. Pepper was still in my hand and I was enjoying every sip of it. I couldn't bare being outside anymore. So I sulked inside and stole some of my roommates milk.

...I'm still kinda sad.

Probably a poem or something.

This is probably a poem or something,
I don't know what else to call it.
Perhaps a "rhyming arrangement",
and I'm pretty sure it's not a sonnet.

It's a pretty fun thing,
to sit and write a poem.
I don't have to show it to the public,
but I feel like I owe 'em.

I'm not sure how long this will be,
I gotta keep coming up with rhymes.
And that's something,
that I can't do too many times.

But it's not like it's rocket science,
just pick a word like "door".
And before you know it,
you're rhyming it with "floor".

This is a sad excuse for a poem,
it has no flow or theme.
If a real poet ever read it,
he'd probably just scream.

But that's okay,
does it look like I care?
Well, I guess I do,
but not that much.

(Yeah, I know. That last one didn't rhyme. Just use your imagination.)

Frisbee Play!

Gatorade.

I saw a Gatorade commercial recently that very much disturbed me, and before I tell you what it was I would like to begin with saying this:

When you think of people drinking Gatorade what sports do you think of? Think back on every Gatorade commercial you have ever seen. What do they show? I'll tell you. They show hockey players, volleyball players, runners, tennis players, soccer players, FOOTBALL PLAYERS, BASEBALL PLAYERS!!! Ever seen any golfers in a gatorade commercial? NO! Never! But then a couple nights ago I see this commercial:



Not only is it a commercial with a golfer in it, IT'S A COMMERCIAL SHOWING THAT TIGER WOODS HAS HIS OWN GATORADE NOW! What?! WHAT?! I...I don't even know what to say. And here's what's funny. They knew it'd be too boring to show Tiger just playing golf and drinking Gatorade so what did they do? They put him on the MOON! HA!

Cookie Eat!

I haven't done one of these in a while.

Some day they will make me famous.